Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
my liver is dry heaving
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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