the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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