All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
