Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
