I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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