You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Randomize
