he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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