Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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