was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
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