Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
