You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Is it because I queefed?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
