Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
it's like iHOP with fire
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
