So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
