At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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