i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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