I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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