if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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