my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
