I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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