I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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