My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
