speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
