ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize