nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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