This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
