I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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