the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we made out on top of his cat.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
