Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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