a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
