in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
