I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize