You're my little dorito
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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