Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
