some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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