Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
