he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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