Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Terrible idea I love it
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
