How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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