I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
