I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
