Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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