We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
