your thong is hanging out like whoa
I accidentally had phone sex last night
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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