got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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