I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Girls should come with a carfax report
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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