he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
