He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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