Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
