I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
