This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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