his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
