What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
and she was petting her beer can
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
