When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
