Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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