Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
