her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
