But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize