don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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