Im at strip club and am horny
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize