Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
