Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize