i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
