I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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