Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
