fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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