I accidentally had phone sex last night
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
