a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't deserve a penis
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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