so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You did what with his pubic hair?
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