You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
