I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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