spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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