I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
