I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
