So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
