You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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