just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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