At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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