There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
