If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
