JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
