I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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