Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The power of my boobs compel you
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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