did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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