i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
this just has baby written all over it
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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