Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
