I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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