hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
