I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize