I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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