i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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