you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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