Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
