Your face is a jimmy john
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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