your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
