the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize