So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
love makes seman taste better
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
