I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
