There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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