Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
