At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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