He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Panties = found
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
