I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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