Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
