I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I need to stop coming to work sober
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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