I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
