You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
