so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
