I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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